My way to Nirvana

About this piece: I wrote this when I was in a safe house, contemplating why life was worth living. I was not in harm’s way from anyone but myself then. This came out after a therapy session, when I was staring at nothing in particular. The social workers at the safe house put it up for others like me who came there—just to have something to read and maybe connect with in some way. This is a personal reflection, not mental-health advice.

I do not know what this is going to be about. Life sometimes puts you in a position where it is not only hard to decide what to do, but even to understand where you stand. I am currently at one of those points where I find myself imbalanced—not lost, but undiscovered. It isn’t like I do not know who I am, or like a teenager trying to find myself, but I am at a crossroads where who I have been so far has only done me harm. I have pushed people away and pulled myself away from people; thus, I need a new path and a medium to fuel myself to life and function.

We as humans are, of course, made of biological cells that combine to make organs that in turn combine to make us function. However, there is also energy in us—not the kind of chemical energy that we need to walk, talk, and move, which we get via nutrition, but the kind that mentally fuels us.

Imagine your body as a flowing pond: one whirlpool after another, each dependent on the previous. These, as I call them, are chakras where your energy, or chi, concentrates. When one of the whirlpools or chakras gets blocked, the rest suffer from its lack of flow, and as a result our mental functioning suffers. We fail to handle scenarios that we easily used to before, be it something as simple as going outside or facing one’s fears. So the question is: how do we keep our energy, or as I say CHI, flowing?

I found a framework of seven core chakras. For the purpose of visualisation, I am going to assign a place and a name to them, along with what they deal with and how I try to keep the chi in them flowing.

The Angst: This is the first chakra, located at the lumbar area of your spine. It focuses on survival and is blocked by fear. In order to unblock this chakra and keep the chi flowing, one must face their fear—either by physically facing it or by understanding the limited power of the fear over them.

The Onus: The second chakra is located at the joint between the pelvis and hip bones, also known as the sacrum. It is fuelled by your pleasures, while guilt will block it and thus halt the chakras beyond it. In order to keep the chi in this chakra flowing, you must forgive yourself. Either find a way to forgive yourself or, in case that isn’t possible, do things that work as penance and thus lead to forgiving yourself.

The Ignominy: The third chakra, located at the centre of your being—the stomach—is powered by sheer willpower and blocked by shame. There is no other way but full acceptance of things to keep your energy flowing at this level.

The Woe: The fourth chakra may be easily confused with the first, except for the silver lining between them. This chakra, which I call Woe, is located at the heart, as it often physically manifests at this location. It is powered by and flourishes with love; grief is its hamartia. Each person deals with this in a different way. Whatever works to keep the chi flowing in this chakra is right. There is no wrong—unless, of course, you want to hurt someone else. In that case… DON’T.

The Artifice: I call this whirlpool Artifice because it is blocked by lies and trickery, and one can make it flourish only with truth. There is no shortcut to unblocking this chakra. It is located at the throat. Once you unblock this chakra, you will finally start feeling lighter.

The Light: Located at the forehead, this chakra is a bit different from the others because it sees everything as one. Every life and every being, no matter how different they are from each other, are essentially one, and this chakra inspires that insight. Any sort of illusion will block your energy from flowing through. Most people might not be okay with or open to the idea of unblocking this chakra, and that is completely okay. It is a choice as to what level of detachment from or attachment to this world one wants.

Mind: This is the last and most important chakra that you must keep open to achieve anything close to nirvana in this life. Located at the top of the head, or the crown, it deals with celestial energy: your realisation of your place in this world and how significant or insignificant your existence and the existence of others are—to see the largest picture possible. It is blocked by attachments and can only be unclogged by letting go.

So now comes the question of what the point is of saying all this. In the past, I embraced this and found bliss in moments that would have otherwise killed me. I started with chakra one and slowly moved on from there. The only condition of doing this form of meditation is that one cannot stop once they have started; one must progressively achieve all of them to finally unclog all the chakras. If you abandon the journey, however, you might find yourself in a worse situation than the one you began with.

It is a matter of a lot of perseverance, energy, and effort, and that is what brings me to my current situation. Even though I know that this, like before, will help me again, I cannot bring myself to start the process because I am neither in the headspace nor do I possess the energy and commitment to follow through. But if you find that this might help you, go ahead and try. You never know what kind of trauma or hurt it will save you from.